Lower Alabama, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #188
October 8, 2010 Michael Davis 0 Comments
Not too long ago California banned the use of cell phones in cars without a head set. In other words it’s against the law to talk on your cell phone while driving without some kind of earpiece to keep your ‘hands free.’
It’s no secret I have no love for California. I live in L.A. but I still have a residence in New York and I will always be a New Yorker, (GO YANKEES, FUCK THE MINNESOTA TWINS) I hate all things that have anything to do with Los Angeles.
Los Angeles is a stupid city with no real culture and people so freakin dense they don’t even understand the words; ‘hands free.’
Los Angeles is SO stupid that they recalled a Governor and replaced him with an actor with NO political experience. Who does that?
L.A. that’s who. I think L.A. stands for Lower Alabama and don’t get me started on the south!
Anyway, I’ve noticed many and I do mean MANY people who are driving while still holding their cell phones. These ASSHOLE IDIOTS do NOT think they are breaking the law. Really.
They hold the phone in their stupid little hands AWAY from their mouths and talk while on speakerphone.
Somehow these stupid mofos have convinced themselves that speaking on the speakerphone is NOT breaking the law.
The ‘hands free’ law.
Now, if they would simply place the phone DOWN and talk on speakerphone then they would be in compliance with the law.
Nope, not people that live in L.A. People in L.A. think that because they are not holding the phone to their ear they are not breaking the law.
The HANDS FREE LAW.
This is why I hate L.A. people are not just stupid; they are STUPID with an explanation.
I guess it could be worst, Paris Hilton could run for governor.
Martha Thomases
October 8, 2010 - 4:28 am
You act as if Paris Hilton is an improvement on Meg Whitman
Felix Serrano
October 8, 2010 - 5:04 am
I believe LA was one of the first targets hit when Skynet became sentient. Maybe it’ll happen during rush hour to maximize cleansing. Even better yet, maybe the cops should do their FUCKING JOBS! I’m sure strict enforcement of that law would help the budget, oh and save lives.
@Martha – well, she is a bit hotter and tends to go commando everywhere while carrying pot for her friends.
Doug Abramson
October 8, 2010 - 5:09 am
Martha,
She is!
MOTU,
LA is a hellhole filled with people NOT from California. I’m second generation So Cal born and raised; I only go to LA when I have a reason that can’t be satisfied anywhere else. LA is in California, it isn’t California. Most of the rest of the state is very nice. The Grey Davis recall is a prime example of how badly the Republicans have damaged the public education system in the country over the past thirty years.
Diane Joao
October 8, 2010 - 5:25 am
I like Cali, but I can’t stand L.A. But people are dumb everywhere!
John Tebbel
October 8, 2010 - 6:25 am
Whether or not you’re using your hands, you don’t have enough brain cells wired in the right way to be able to drive and talk on the phone at the same time. We’re also too proud to believe any such thing. Hahahaha. And no, I won’t help you put your bag in the overhead.
R. Maheras
October 8, 2010 - 8:02 am
Talking on a cell phone is illegal in L.A.??? Geez, you’d never know it from watching the cars go by. I walk a lot in L.A., because I made the decision early on when I arrived here last December that I wasn’t going to bother with a car. So I spend a lot of time waiting on the corner to cross the street. From my vantage point, I’ll wager fully a quarter of the cars driving around have people either holding a phone and talking, checking their e-mail, or, scariest of all, texting.
If the cops set up cameras on the four corners of, say, a busy intersection like Wilshire and Western, let it run continuously, and send out tickets to those violating just that one law, a big chunk of California’s deficit would be erased in no time at all.
Jeremiah Avery
October 8, 2010 - 9:17 am
Wasn’t Maria Schriver caught driving while talking on her cell phone? It seems like if you have any sort of celebrity status in California, the punishments for breaking the law are reduced. If Paris Hilton was of a different ethnicity and not in the public eye when she was busted, it’d be a whole different story.
McCarthy
October 8, 2010 - 10:23 am
If the car companies would just hurry the fuck up with hands-free driving (have you experienced hands-free parallel parking? Talk about Skynet) we could all concentrate what’s really important: live-Tweeting the freeway grid-lock caused by some poor, late-adopting idiot whose BFF BBMed his BMW into a BFD.
Marc Fishman
October 8, 2010 - 10:26 am
My Edge has a handsfree system, and god bless it… it’s a life saver. But the real point is if you’re talking on the phone, that too could lead to distraction, and cause an accident. I’ve not been to L.A., but I doubt I’d like it. Well, except being able to party with the MOTU. But I’d rather do that in a real city. Like Chicago, or New York, or Walla Walla.
MOTU
October 8, 2010 - 11:23 am
‘LA is a hellhole filled with people NOT from California.’
Doug, VERY good point.
Alas, my hated for L.A. may never fade. I’m I’m STILL stopped in my car (twice this year on MY street) by cops who tend to target me more often than those people who do not share my love of chicken and Jay Z.
Marc Fishman
October 8, 2010 - 1:47 pm
MOTU, driving down PCH with a DEATH RAY on top of your car doesn’t help any.
Jonathan (the other one)
October 8, 2010 - 4:34 pm
Are you kidding? The DEATH RAY is probably why he doesn’t get stopped more often! (It helps with the afternoon jams on the PCH, too – one of the many things about SoCal I haven’t missed since I came back to western Washington. I tell you, if I’d had a DEATH RAY on my car, there would have been a lot fewer idiots left on the roads…)
MOTU
October 9, 2010 - 2:37 pm
McCarthy…kevin..Michael Davis Jr. 😉
If Paris Hilton was black she would be up for parole in 20 years. OJ Simpson got LIFE in prison for his FIRST offense.
When OJ was arrested for the break in, I wrote a Straight No Chaser that very week called ‘The Big Payback.’ The SECOND OJ was arrested every Black person in the WORLD (except those who belong to the GOP) KNEW he was going away for the rest of his stupid life.
Mel Gibson has a woman claiming he beat her and pulled a gun on her. There are TAPES of him losing his damn mind. If Tyler Perry had some woman claiming he beat her, pulled a gun on her and there were tapes played on TV and all the internet of Perry screaming like a mad black man-Madea WOULD go to Jail and Perry’s LAST film would be called “Why did I get loud?”
Jill Serrano
October 11, 2010 - 7:09 pm
They do the same shit in NYC with the cellphones!