Life Gets Better, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

October 9, 2010 Martha Thomases 0 Comments

When I was in high school, I was miserable for long stretches of time.  As a midwestern Jew at an Episcopal boarding school in Connecticut, I felt completely isolated and alone.  Even though I had many good friends there – including people who remain my friends now, more than 40 years later – I felt that no one understood my frame of reference.  Even worse, I was dumpy and loud, and no one seemed to have the slightest interest in dating me, neither in Connecticut nor Ohio.

It got so bad that, over a period of a year or two, I attempted suicide a few times.  The first time, I’ll admit, it was because I’m a drama queen.  I wanted to be found, dead, and yet somehow able to witness the outbreak of grief and regret my death would cause.  Luckily, one can’t kill oneself with the number of over-the-counter allergy pills dispensed by the infirmary, and instead of dying, I was merely groggy for a few days.

The next time, though, I didn’t care about being found.  I “knew” by then that no one would miss me.  No one would ever miss me.  I’d be lucky if anyone, anywhere, would ever even notice me.  I could see no reason to go on living.

Again, I was lucky, and my attempt was inept.  I went on to feel better, then feel worse, and continue on that kind of roller-coaster ride.

Recent events have reminded me of these times.  There seems to be an epidemic of GLBTQ teens committing suicide (or at least an epidemic of news stories about them).  Although I am not, to the best of my knowledge, lesbian nor bi-sexual (if I have an inner lesbian, she’s severely traumatized and locked up tight), I do remember feeling that I was alone, isolated, and hopeless.

That’s why Dan Savage’s new campaign, It Gets Better, is so important.  In a culture that persistently tells queer kids that they are unnatural, an abomination, and unloveable, It Gets Better is a YouTube channel in which grown-up queers talk about how they got through the bullying and loneliness to go on and find happiness in self-acceptance.

Not only are the individual stories sweet and funny and heart-breakingly optimistic, but I was also thrilled to see a space that actually values young people.  So much of our culture considers them to be, at best, a valuable market to whom to sell things and, at worse, cannon fodder.

Which brings me to the next bit of happy news this week.  The War Resisters League 2011 Peace Calendar, Not Your Fodder! is now available.  This year, the theme is Counter-Recruitment.  You’ve seen the massive advertising budget for the military, promising that, in exchange for a few years of his life, the young person can earn college scholarships, valuable job skills, and the respect of his country.

If only.

Too often, we treat our troops as if they are as disposable as tissue.  We sent them to Iraq without adequate armor for themselves or their vehicles.  We deny them decent medical care.  We nickel-and-dime them on benefits.  We let them go homeless.

There is an enormous, mostly grassroots counter-recruitment movement in this country that provides potential enlistees with alternative information from the juggernaut of misleading statements and outright lies coming from our Defense Department.

Most important, by offering a different point of view, the Counter-Recruitment folks treat young people as valuable individuals, capable of taking in more than one point of view and making an informed choice.

Also, it seems to me, that one of the most important parts of valuing people is to keep them out of situations in which they’ll get maimed, shot or blown up.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases was delighted to learn from the WRL Calendar that, on the date of her birthday, the Jews in Warsaw began their revolt against the Nazis.