Lunatics For Christ, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #201

December 20, 2010 Mike Gold 25 Comments

Imagine you’re Alice and you went down that rabbit hole. But when you fed your head, you inadvertently ingested some really, really bad lysergic acid diethylamide. Then, instead of hanging out with a bunch of talking animals and playing cards and such, you decided to sit down and read, oh, say, the Washington Post. What would your reaction be?

Well, forget it. Reality is much weirder.

Last week, Arizona Republican Senator Jon Kyl said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s suggestion that the Senate come back to session the week after Christmas to work on the 2009-2010 agenda isn’t simply a way to get things accomplished for a change. Oh, no. According to Mr. Kyl, it’s an all-out attack on people of the Christian faith.

Okay. Fine. I thought Mr. Reid was a Christian, but I realize some or many or most Christians do not consider Mormons to be of their ilk. Or Catholics, for that matter. I’m none of those, so it’s not my place to judge. In fact, I’m still working on the “water-into-wine” bit.

Mr. Kyl said, “It is impossible to do all of the things that the majority leader laid out, frankly, without disrespecting the institution and without disrespecting one of the two holiest of holidays for Christians and the families of all of the Senate, not just the senators themselves but all of the staff.”

Hey, let me tell you something. Most Christians in America have to go to work between Christmas and New Year’s. At least on weekdays. Maybe they get off early on New Year’s Eve, and maybe some take some vacation time, but I reiterate: most Christians in America work during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. And, quite frankly, it’s about time our Senators and Congressmen and our other elected servants did as well.

Oh, and I’ll bet there are a lot of non-Christian Senate staffers in Washington. Not just Mormons and Catholics, but… dare I say it… even Jews. You know, Mr. Kyl. Christ-killers. Just like your good pal Republican House Minority Whip Eric Cantor. What? You thought Cantor was just a clown? Maybe so; I guess that would explain the blackface.

These aren’t the mad ramblings of a bone fide fool like the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue, who went postal after a New York YMCA had Frosty the Snowman do an appearance instead of Santa Claus. Donohue is simply too stupid to know the roots of the Santa myth and too lazy to check it out: Santa Claus isn’t Christ, he’s Odin. The Norse father-god. You know, the big one-eyed Anthony Hopkins. We can laugh at Donohue; indeed, we do laugh at Donohue. We can’t have a truly satisfying laugh at Mr. Kyl. He’s a man in a position of great power.

This isn’t just demagoguery. It is the babblings of an insane pilot at the controls of a jet fueled plane that can and if unstopped is likely to be more damaging than those other insane fundamentalists that copped a bunch of jets nine years ago, on what is now referred to as “Giuliani Day.”

You are pandering murderous hatred, Mr. Kyl. You are not only unfit to be a senator, Mr. Kyl, but you are unfit to be an American.

Reality alchemist, psycho-metaphysician and www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on America’s pop culture channel The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his amazingly amusing Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants are foisted upon the listening audience each and every day at the same venue.