My Big Gay Black Life, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #198

December 17, 2010 Michael Davis 27 Comments

Some time ago I was walking out of a restaurant just as Barbra Streisand and her husband James Brolin were walking in. Ms. Streisand and I made eye contact and I said to her, “Now I can die.”

She put her hand over her heart, mouthed the words “Thank you” and gave me a hug. I was in Heaven!!

I told that story at a Christmas party last week and a woman said, “Of course you like her all gay guys like Barbra Streisand.”

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

I told her, “ Yes, I’m gay, I’m a Lesbian, I love women.” She said she had never met a straight black man who liked Barbra Streisand. I told her she still hadn’t because I LOVE Barbra Streisand. She then made a comment that I was most likely on the ‘Down Low.’

For those who don’t know (Tea Party) what the ‘Down low’ is let me explain.

Those on the  ‘Down Low’ are men who have sex with other man but don’t think they are gay. That in and of itself is not the problem, the problem is the men keep it secret from their wives and girlfriends. Hence the name ‘Down Low.’

I call that Bi-Sexual but what do I know?

This is one of the subjects in Black America that Black Americans don’t talk about it. It’s not uncommon for a black woman to accuse a black man of being on the ‘Down Low.’ Hell, if I had a dollar for every time a woman accused me, I could buy myself some fabulous Jimmy Choo shoes!

FABULOUS!!!

I cross my legs. I collect Barbie’s. I eat quiche. I love show tunes. I love Judy Garland. I have a messenger bag. I go to musicals. I’m familiar with Manolo Blahnik, Miu Miu, Prada, and Gucci. I’m a fan of Carson Kressley. I cry at chick flicks. My favorite move is a chick flick (My Best Friends Wedding).  I’ve been to Studio 54 (The real one. The one they have at the MGM Grand in Vegas is bullshit.) I sing, I Will Survive at Karaoke. I LOVE Cher. I LOVE Lizi Minnelli (She brought me a Banana Spilt when I met her in High School!!) I once spent an afternoon hanging out at New York’s ‘Ramble’ in Central Park with a bunch of guys. I attend the gay panels at comic cons. I think that two people of the same sex should have the right to get married.

None of the above makes ANYONE gay. It just means they have class.

What did I say to the women at the party who accused me of being on the ‘Down Low?’

Nothing.

I know that’s SO unlike me but why even go there? I like gay people and would be proud to be gay if I didn’t like women so much or if guys had a vagina.

See? Classy.