Put the Lights on the Tree, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

December 18, 2010 Martha Thomases 7 Comments

In New York, we have our own seasonal reminders.  For example, we know spring is on its way when the melting snow reveals still-frozen mounds of excrement, presumably from dogs.  It’s summer when the cars waiting to go west through the Holland Tunnel backs up past Carmine Street, and the continuous honking begins at 3 PM, instead of 5.  It’s autumn when Ricky’s stops selling toiletries in their stores and goes full-out costumes for Halloween.

And it’s winter when the Christmas tree sellers set up shop on the sidewalks.

I always enjoy seeing them.  More to the point, I enjoy smelling them.  Unlike so many vendors who take up space on the sidewalk, the tree-sellers provide a welcome respite from the aromas of cooking oil, urine and garbage.  The vendors I see are remarkably cheerful for folks who spend 18 or more hours a day outside in the cold, dealing with the public.

Even so, why do people want to take a perfectly good tree out of the woods (by force) and put it in their homes?  What’s up with that?  If you want the pine smell, get an air freshener, or hang a wreath.  Why a tree in your living room?

This is the kind of custom that confuses Jews, and contributes to the resentment many of us feel at this time of year.   Yeah, it’s a tradition.  I recall a television show that suggested that live trees in your house are what Christmas is all about.  Cutting trees seems to me to be a strange thing to plan one’s retail calendar around.

We can get behind the “Peace on Earth” stuff.  We can even agree that Jesus was a great guy, and we’re happy he was born.  But cutting down a perfectly good (and now, probably farmed for this purpose) tree so you can bring it indoors and have pine needles all over your floor for a month?  Why do you do that?

I know that many people adore Christmas.  I’m not one of them.  It’s become stylish in recent years to loudly proclaim how much one hates the holidays.  I’m not going to do that.  I wish I did like them.  I used to think I hated Christmas becase, as a Jew, I felt left out.  Santa didn’t care if I was naughty or nice.  My family wasn’t going to gather around a goose.  We were going to go to the movies and eat Chinese food, which is fun, but not all that seasonal.

And yet, we don’t see stories in the media about people who hate Easter.  That’s another big holiday with a religious origin, an unkosher menu, and massive commercial tie-ins, that those of us who don’t celebrate seem to be able to handle with good cheer.  Mothers Day and Fathers Day come and go, and childless orphans don’t complain loudly enough to be heard.  What is it about Christmas that makes it so massively overwhelming?

My theory is that it’s the darkness.  Even in sunny climates, the days here in our Northern Hemisphere are short and dark.  To support my theory, I’ll point out that the only other holiday we hear so many complaints about is Valentines Day, when men feel inadequate in their gift-giving capabliities, and single people feel especially abandoned.  And it’s dark then, too.

My father likes to say that the best way to get through winter is to take out a short-term loan of 90 days on December 1.  It will be spring before you’re ready.  That may be true, but all I want to do this week is hide under the covers and eat cookies until there are some leaves on the trees.  My family and my cat may join me, but I’m not thrilled about anyo0ne else.  Not even you, Jon Hamm, no matter how much you beg me.
Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is up to elbows knitting sleeves.