No More Blue Moons, by Tatiana – In The Mix #50

December 24, 2010 Tatiana EL-Khouri 11 Comments

Going into 2010, the world experienced a Blue Moon on New Years Eve. This rare occasion only happens about every 20 years and will not happen again until 2028. Matter of fact, in the coming year of 2011 there will be no blue moons at all. Not one!

Over time the Blue Moon has held various significants in cultures from magical properties to importance in harvesting calendars to representing the absurd or rare. This year I felt like the most absurd and random string of events happened to me. I opened the New Year standing under the Blue Moon at the Happiest Place on Earth, dreaming of where the year would take me. Just about everything I dreamt of didn’t happen anything like I planned.

Most of the year it really bothered me. As a planner, I couldn’t see the roadmap clearly. Nothing made sense. I felt like the universe was equalizing my happiness with misfortune or directing my path in a different direction. The timing was uncanny!

My columns on MDW and my sharing with family and friends dwindled as my words and feelings got harder to share. I paid attention with admiration at the other MDW columnist and amazing community as they participated and encouraged one another through the daunting economy, the loss of amazing family members and friends, and all the random curveball life throws at us.

Despite that all, I couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness that I created for myself. I felt like there was a darkness cast over me. I got consumed with the Breast Cancer scare I had in the beginning of the year. The testing, doctors visits, and endless research I did took a toll on me. Instead of being happy that my diagnosis came up clean, I spiraled into an intense introspection that created distance with many people I love and even people who didn’t know me from Jack.

It took my father’s heart attack on Thanksgiving to really shake me out my funk and show me the beauty in life and the amount of support I have around me. The strength of my family and friends and the unique parts we each play in our lives was breathtaking. At the sign of danger, I jumped into fight mode and drove my dad to the hospital and sat by his side alone, while I reported back to my family.

I had to set aside my miniscule problems and focus on doing whatever I could to save my father. In those moments, the stress and angst I had melted away. They meant nothing and couldn’t hold a torch to what was going on. It really helped me realize that there are so many positive things around you that you take for granted while the storm seems rough.

The gratitude I feel for life and the relationships around me is indescribable. It’s given me a new lease on life. I’m smiling again, I’m taking action toward my goals and I’m trying to right any wrongs I may have caused while I was self-consumed in my pity.

“Why be afraid if I’m not alone,
Though life is never easy the rest is unknown
Up to now for me it’s been hands against stone
Spent each and every moment
Searching for what to believe

Coming out of the dark, I finally see the light now
It’s shining on me”

– Gloria Estefan “Coming Out Of The Dark”