Soothing The Savage Breast, by Mike Gold* Brainiac On Banjo #200

December 13, 2010 Mike Gold 0 Comments

I guess this is a special anniversary column. 200 of anything is subject of note, and quite frankly I’ve rarely been able to sustain a thought for what is now nearly four years.

I thought about just writing another column. Mr. Obama deserves further exposure, particularly since I figured out how the fix happened. Maybe next week. I wanted to comment on how the media have about one hundred times more attention to the anniversary of John Lennon’s death than they did Pearl Harbor Day the day before.  Perhaps I just did. The whole WikiLinks thing deserves some sweat from my furrowed brow, but that’s hardly anniversary fodder.

No, instead I decided to let others speak for me. That would be a polite way of saying “screw it; I’m cribbing” but actually it took longer to do this one than it does for me to compose a rant. Folks who are not newcomers to Brainiac On Banjo probably know that music is one of the most important elements in my life, right up there with friendships and barbecue. So I thought it would be fun – others might call it scary – to reveal some of the lyrics that made me the life-form I am today.

I’ve noted the name of the song, followed by the songwriter, followed by the performing artist when it differs from the songwriter. Let’s assume all these lyrics are under copyright, and are quoted here strictly for paranormal purposes. Obviously, these are but a few. I could fill this site’s broadband allotment every day for a year. But here’s… well, enough. Maybe I’ll do more for column #400.

•     •     •     •     •

Someone’s going to make you pay your fare.

– Death Cab For Cutie, Vivian Stanshall, Bonzo Dog Band

•     •     •     •     •

All what we got here’s American made
It’s a little bit cheesey, but it’s nicely displayed
Well we don’t get excited when it crumbles ‘n’ breaks
We just get on the phone and call up some Flakes
They rush on over ‘n’ wreck it some more
‘N’ we are so dumb, they’re linin’ up at our door

– Flakes, Frank Zappa

•     •     •     •     •

If you gotta play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta luck

But if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck

– Garden Party, Rick Nelson

•     •     •     •     •

You analyze me, tend to despise me

You laugh when I stumble and fall

There may come a day when I’ll dance on your grave

Unable to dance I’ll still crawl

– Hell In A Bucket, John Perry Barlow and Bob Weir, Grateful Dead

•     •     •     •     •

(Mrs. Rittenhouse) You are the only white man to cover every acre.

(Capt. Spaulding) I think I’ll try and make her.

(All) Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.

– Hooray for Captain Spaulding (uncensored version), Harry Kalmar and Al Ruby, Groucho Marx and Margret DuMont

•     •     •     •     •

You can’t steal another’s thunder, you can’t fill a great divide

You can’t steer another’s fancy, you can’t change another’s side

Not undo another’s blunder nor pretend another’s pride

You can’t offer necromancy till the final hope has died
– Jack Shit George, Ian Dury, Ian Dury and the Blockheads

•     •     •     •     •

There’s nine bouncing people in one little room.

The vectors are threading eternity’s loom.

It’s not bad for brain cells, the doctors proclaim.

It’s almost as safe as that good old cocaine!

– New Amphetamine Shriek, Peter Stampfel, The Fugs

•     •     •     •     •

Now, when I talked to God I knew he’d understand

He said, “Stick by me and I’ll be your guiding hand

But don’t ask me what I think of you

I might not give the answer that you want me to”

– Oh Well, Peter Green, Fleetwood Mac

•     •     •     •     •

Yes, I wish that for just one time

You could stand inside my shoes

You’d know what a drag it is

To see you

– Positively 4^th Street, Bob Dylan

•     •     •     •     •

There’s a new sun risin’ up angry in the sky

And there’s a new voice sayin’ “we’re not afraid to die”

Let the old world make believe it’s blind and deaf and dumb

But nothing can change the shape of things to come

– The Shape of Things To Come, Barry Mann & Cynthia Weil, Max Frost and the Troopers – as well as The Ramones

•     •     •     •     •

Scarlet juices oozing slow – boiling in a human sea.

Is it human dinner you’re talking about?

Then slice me tender raw and lean

Where are the bodies for dinner?

I want my food!

– Silver Spoon, Grace Slick

•     •     •     •     •

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds, huh??

Well you just wait, they’ll find you yet and when they do they’ll put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!!!

– They’re Coming To Take Me Away Ha-Ha, Napoleon XIV

•     •     •     •     •

I’ll move myself and my family aside

If we happen to be left half alive

I’ll get all my papers and smile at the sky

For I know that the hypnotized never lie

Do ya?

– Won’t Get Fooled Again, Pete Townsend, The Who

•     •     •     •     •

Do they still play the blues in Chicago

When baseball season rolls around

When the snow melts away,

Do the Cubbies still play

In their ivy-covered burial ground?

– A Dying Cubs Fan’s Last Request, Steve Goodman

•     •     •     •     •

Well, the moral of the story, the moral of the song
Is simply that one should never be where ones does not belong
So when you see your neighbor carryin’ somethin’, help him with his load

And don’t go mistaking Paradise for that home across the road.

– The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest, Bob Dylan

•     •     •     •     •

This was a Pizza Hut,  now it’s all covered with daisies

I miss the honky tonks, Dairy Queens, and 7-Elevens

And as things fell apart nobody paid much attention

I dream of cherry pies, candy bars, and chocolate chip cookies

We used to microwave, now we just eat nuts and berries

This was a discount store, now it’s turned into a cornfield

Don’t leave me stranded here, I can’t get used to this lifestyle

– (Nothing But) Flowers, David Lynch, Talking Heads

•     •     •     •     •

Better look around before you say you don’t care
Shut your fuckin’ mouth about the length of my hair
How would you survive
If you were alive
Shitty little person?

Mother People (censored verse), Frank Zappa, The Mothers of Invention

•     •     •     •     •

* Thanks and a tip of the beanie to William Congreve for selflessly contributing the title to this week’s Brainiac On Banjo. It first appeared in his poem The Mourning Bride, in 1697.

Fellow-traveler, anarcho-syndicalist and www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on America’s pop culture channel The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants pop up each and every day at the same venue.