Love for Sale, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

February 12, 2011 Martha Thomases 14 Comments

Valentines Day is Monday.  You can tell because there are more and more ads on television for chocolate, flowers and jewelry.

None of these ads are directed at women, at least not on the surface.  Instead, the marketers promise men that, if they deliver that magically perfect gift, the women in their lives will return the favor with a night of great sex.  Or at least no nagging.

At the same time, the ads are informing women that they will be able to tell how much their men loves them by the quality of the gift they receive.  It’s not quite as  heinous as those commercials that tell you you aren’t having a good Christmas unless you get a car (with a giant bow), but they are just as guilty about setting you up for disappointment.

I do admit that I love to get presents.  However, I’m not the kind of woman who, like Naomi Campbell, inspires men who just met me to give me a bag of diamonds.  Even if I were, my mom taught me that honorable, respectable women didn’t accept gifts like that.  There were strings attached.  Men who gave women such extravagant gifts expected to get something in return.

Don’t get me wrong.  Sex workers get my complete respect.  I think their profession is an honorable one, not least because they are upfront about what they do.  However, to the extent that Valentines Day sets up love as something that can be bought, it grosses me out.

I love it when my husband can’t help but bring me something he thinks I’ll like.  He has bought me beautiful jewelry, and flowers, and chocolates, but the most memorable gifts are the ones that are not automatic.

Examples?

• A red snow jacket with silver reflecting tape, perfect for watching our child build snow forts.

• Earrings with pictures of Lucille Ball

• A t-shirt emblazoned with the word, “Fabulous”

• Socks and underwear.

“But, Martha,” you protest.  “I don’t want to get socks and underwear for Valentines day!”

Exactly.  You don’t.  My husband isn’t buying you a gift for this occasion (and if he is, we need to talk).  He’s getting something for me, the woman who has shared his bed for more than 33 years.  His gifts refer to our shared dreams and adventures and pleasures.  These are not things a man buys on automatic pilot.  They require thought, attention and affection.

Which are really the best Valentines of all.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is conveniently out of town this weekend, giving her husband more time to shop.