Sex, Yogi Berra, and Egypt, by Mike Gold – Brainiac on Banjo #209
February 14, 2011 Mike Gold 1 Comment
Last week Americans endured our shortest political scandal in our short history. Gawker posted coquettish emails from Western New York State Republican Congressman and husband and father Chris Lee to a woman he met on Craigslist. After first denying the report, Lee apologized to his family and to “those he might have offended” and then resigned from Congress. The whole thing, start to finish, was done in about three hours.
Less than 24 hours later, the world’s most obtuse dictator announced he was not going to resign as president of Egypt. Protestors numbering over one million were displeased mightly.
Less than a month ago Hosni Mubarak’s neighboring dictator in Tunisia got the hell out immediately after protestors said 23 years of rule was enough. Now, less than one month after he left, few people can identify the name of President Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali. Hosni didn’t get that.
Former Representative Chris Lee shut down his own news cycle, limiting pundits on across the media spectrum and the late-night comedians to only two days of commentary and cheap jokes. Now when somebody mentions the name Chris Lee people will continue to think of fangs instead of another Republican sexual scallywag.
Were Hosni a fan of American baseball, he might have appreciated that which Representative Lee clearly understood: Yogi Berra’s famous quote, It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over. Lee was in a no-win situation; he understood the only way to get ahead of the story was to walk away from it.
For Mubarak… not so much. It was over two weeks ago, but he didn’t get it until his Hail Mary pass flopped Thursday night. After desperately pulling every political maneuver available, after having his goons beat and even kill his citizens, after those same goons beat up Anderson Cooper, and after digging his heels into the sand and virtually challenging protestors not to bring their nation to an economic standstill in the Suez, his army finally made Mubarak an offer he could not refuse. “Mr. President, get out of Dodge now or you’re on your own.”
It took him 18 days to get it. I believe a growing number of politicians will slowly learn the lesson. It ain’t over ‘till it’s over, and for Hosni Mubarak it is now, finally, over.
For Egypt, it’s just starting.
Media-metaphysician burdened with a short attention span, www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief, and emotional scallywag Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on America’s pop culture channel The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his musically offensive Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants are unleashed each and every day at the same venue.
R. Maheras
February 14, 2011 - 10:02 am
These two examples prove that there are definitely nuances of incedibly stupid.
Lee was like a guy taking a leak on the side of the road at night who, when startled by a sudden beam of light from a nearby cop car’s searchlight, zips up his pants and then apologizes profusely.
Mubarak, on the other had, when hit by the spotlight, kept on tinkling, then took a dump, and then scooped up all of his business and threw it at the cops.
As good ol’ Bugs Bunny would say, “What a maroon!”
Mike Gold
February 14, 2011 - 11:01 am
If Bugs were running for president, I’d work for him. Particularly if it was the Tex Avery Bugs.
As of this moment, they say Mubarak is sick and maybe even comatose. What if they threw a guilt trip and nobody came? Or maybe he tried to off himself. Don’t know why he’d bother; it was obvious there were plenty people who would have paid to do it for him.
And the rest of the Arabian rulers are walking around with a tick. Even in Syria and Iran. Interesting times…
R. Maheras
February 14, 2011 - 11:33 am
Yeah… very interesting. The possibility that this current unrest movement might explode in Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, etc., is very, very real.
The difference between Iran and Egypt, however, is the Iranian military apparently has no qualms about intervening — violently, if necessary — on behalf of current leadership.
Rick Oliver
February 14, 2011 - 11:36 am
American intelligence agencies utterly failed to foresee any of the events that happened in Egypt. If the military does eventually cede power to a democratically elected civilian government, it will be interesting to see what kind or relationship we can establish with them, considering that we propped up Mubarak all these years.
Iran is, of course, a different story. A revolution against our puppet there brought the current regime to power, and those who want change there now tend to be pro-western.
Mike Gold
February 14, 2011 - 11:45 am
Egypt needs our money and our trade. The six month wait will allow time for people to organize, people all across the spectrum. But it will also give the United States time to… show our support… to… certain… candidates. They’ll have an election that is at least as fair as that in Florida ten years ago, with the US checking account playing the role of the Supreme Court. I’m sure Jimmy Carter already has his plane tickets.
On the other hand, Iran needs to feel “safe” from Israeli and US nukes. Their army needs that for obvious reasons. And those mad mullahfuckers ain’t gonna go away.
Vinnie Bartilucci
February 14, 2011 - 1:18 pm
“They’ve got to be protected, all their rights respected, till somebody we like can be elected…”
–Tom Lehrer, muthafuckin’ genius.
Doug Abramson
February 14, 2011 - 1:40 pm
If the Muslim Brotherhood keeps their promise not to run someone for president, I think that the US has a good chance of having a government in Egypt we can work with. The other organised groups, who appear to out number the Brotherhood, all seem to be very secular or take a very balanced approach to the secular/religion debate. If the Brotherhood somehow gains the upper hand, I still think that there is a good chance that the government won’t be anti-west, for two reasons. One, the military seems to want strong US ties and peace with Israel. Their reasons for these attitudes might not be “pure”, but that doesn’t make them a real moderating force on any radicals that might pop up. Second, we don’t know how radical the Brotherhood might be. Mubarak is the one that built them into a bogeyman and Washington’s anti-Islam hysteria bought it. Now that they are out in the open; we must assume that they are not a dangerous adversary, unless they prove otherwise.
MOTU
February 14, 2011 - 2:24 pm
I don’t know why but it warms my heart when I think that Egypt, Spain, England, and France all once ruled the world with an iron grip and now they…don’t.
Oh and Mike, will you be my Valentine?
Rick Oliver
February 14, 2011 - 2:57 pm
MOTU: Don’t forget Italy…and Lithuania.
MOTU
February 14, 2011 - 3:40 pm
Rick,
Duh. Thanks!
Mike Gold
February 14, 2011 - 5:23 pm
Doug, I have the impression that the Muslim Brotherhood doesn’t have as strong a foothold in Egypt as they might need. That certainly can change, but I don’t think the military (which has been respected by the public, by and large) would allow them to do the type of organizing that would be necessary to overcome their negative image. That’s one reason the military is running things “until a democratic election can be held.”
A friend of mine who has spent a lot of time in Egypt tells me she does not believe the Egyptian people, particularly the middle-class students (middle-class by Egyptian terms) would want to go to the type of society that the Muslim Brotherhood would enforce.
MOTU, of COURSE you can be my valentine. As soon as I get the chocolates. No nuts, no cheese. Fannie Mae is the best by far.
Now, if you sent Adriane some flowers, she might make bacon for you next time you’re out here. Her bacon is the best I’ve ever had. Honest.
Reg
February 18, 2011 - 8:36 pm
@Rick…it does make one wonder what the heck those station chiefs were doing. It definitely seemed like Hosni and co. were totally taken off guard by the ‘flash mob’ uprising…and couldn’t adjust in the face of the new method (FB & Twitter) of starting a revo.
@ Mike…Seems like it caught the Gov of Wisconsin off guard as well.
:-p