Trump Card, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #115
February 15, 2011 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments
Dear Art,
This weekend I spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference. During my speech I suggested that I would run a campaign for the presidency. I spent much of my speech attacking Ron Paul who would go on to win the straw poll conducted at the event. While this speech has been widely mocked I don’t think I’ve been deterred from this ambition. What do you think Art? Do I have what it takes to make it to the White House?
-Donald Trump
Donald,
Your last season of the apprentice couldn’t even get five million viewers per episode. Assuming all those people went out and voted for you (and they won’t) you would fall short of President Obama’s vote total from 2008 by over 64 million votes. I’m not an expert in the Electoral College but I’m pretty sure that unless the 2010 Census reassigns 51% of the electoral votes to New Jersey, Staten Island and the Trump Casino in Las Vegas you’ve got no chance at all.
At least you have a lot of good conservative bonafides. In an election cycle sure to be dominated by fiscal responsibility, who wouldn’t be excited to vote for a man who went bankrupt operating a casino. Maybe this isn’t that big a deal, George W. Bush lost money running a baseball team and it seemed like no one on the right ever mentioned that when talking about his great business background. Even he was governor of Texas first. Are you sure you wouldn’t be happier as mayor of New York or something? I think anyone can do that these days.
Look, I get it, we’ve all heard Bruce Springsteen, all men wanna be rich rich men wanna be king. President of the United States is basically the closest thing you can get to being a king without moving to some really shitty country. That said the time to decide you want to be president is probably before you decide you want to make money off of becoming a parody of yourself. Your whored your image out to a terrible reality show, Oreo commercials, and having an extended role on World Wrestling Entertainment programming. You’ve had a really good run, one way out of proportion to your talent in any field and it’s probably for the best if you just keep doing that for a little bit longer and then retiring gracefully.
Wait, what am I thinking? This would be the perfect prize for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. If you’re going to run for president I insist you do it with Gary Busey or Lil Jon as your campaign manager.
McCarthy
February 15, 2011 - 4:01 pm
Gary Busey would totally rip Ron Paul’s endocrine system out of his body.
Vinnie Bartilucci
February 15, 2011 - 8:00 pm
If he thought it would get him on television for a full break, Donald Trump would insert his penis into a microwave oven.
He is a member of the growing class of people that I can’t understand why they still get camera time. He hired a black gentleman to stick his broom into the clock of fame, keeping it stuck on 13 minutes and 24 seconds for what seems like decades now.
He at once fascinates and saddens me. He has gone bankrupt or went through financial re-jiggering (note spelling) at least three times now, and somehow still gets money and second chances. And there are a sizable number of people who would vote for him, in the hopes that he would bring his business acumen to the job of President.
See earlier comment about bankruptcy.
MOTU
February 15, 2011 - 8:47 pm
Thump is a chump.
Doug Abramson
February 15, 2011 - 10:54 pm
Hasn’t he gone bankrupt more than once? Anyway, for get his dick, I pay real money to see him stick his head in a microwave.
Martha Thomases
February 16, 2011 - 6:30 am
@Doug: Given the size of his fingers, I would guess that it would be much easier to see Trump’s head.
R. Maheras
February 16, 2011 - 12:28 pm
Trump is no better or worse than most candidates I’ve seen since I began following presidential elections in 1972, and he certainly can do no worse than some of the yahoos who have occupied the Oval Office.
From a business success/failure point of view, Trump has not done too bad over the years. And outside of Ross Perot, Trump probably has had more experience running large organizations than any other recent major presidential candidate I can think of.
Yeah, he went bankrupt, but he recovered from it. Such a skill may be a very useful skill for a president to have in a few years if the U.S. doesn’t get its financial shit together.
Laugh at him now, but at this point he’s actually not a bad wildcard candidate.
I don’t think Palin has a prayer of getting elected president, but I just can’t so easily dismiss the Donald.
John Tebbel
February 17, 2011 - 7:07 am
I’ll laugh at Donald Trump today, tomorrow and the day after that. And, as for anyone who thinks he has a chance in hell at getting elected dogcatcher, this laugh’s for you:
ha ha ha ha HA
New Yorkers who read newspapers know that Donald is a terrible businessman, a terrible boss and a tone deaf political outsider. Yes, he fools some of the people all of the time, but that’s it.
Trump does not run a large organization, nowhere near the size of Perot’s EDS. And EDS never went bankrupt.
US financial shit was thrown into fan by bogus, multiple-business-failure W. Unlike businesses, when governments fail, thousands die (check), trillions are wasted (check) and the country is plunged into the Great Recession (check).
Trump’s a terrible candidate from any standpoint. A terrible human, while I’m at it.
Donald. Dismissed. Facts win every time.
R. Maheras
February 17, 2011 - 10:31 am
John, even if all of your accusations are true, the sad fact is that Trump is still far more qualified as a presidential candidate than Obama was as a presidential candidate.
R. Maheras
February 17, 2011 - 10:45 am
I remember clearly during the 1980 election, the media worked overtime portraying Ronald Reagan as a dangerous kook who was going to destroy the country and get us into WW III.
I bought into the anti-hype, and since there was no way in hell I was going to vote for Carter again, I voted for John Anderson.
I think the early 1980s was a watershed moment for me, when I started to doubt both the media and partisan political pundits. Because, as it turned out, Reagan was a much better president than his predecessor, and the sky did not fall, as many partisans predicted.
That said, I think Trump’s an egotistical curmudgeon. But so were/are both Mayor Daleys. The way I see it, even if Trump is the biggest prick on the planet (law-abiding, of course) , if he can straighten out the mess we are in, more power to him.