This Is Family, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

March 26, 2011 Martha Thomases 0 Comments

Some time in the early 1970s, my mother decided to fly an American flag in our front yard.  At that time, many assumed that only conservative supporters of the War in Viet Nam would fly the flag.  “It’s my country, too,” my mom said.  “It’s my flag, and opposing the war is a patriotic position.”

Questioning conventional assumptions about political rhetoric is something I inherited from my parents.  You might say it’s a family value.

When I turn on a television talk show, there are frequently guests who claim to represent family values.  By this, they mean they are anti-choice, anti-gay and, most recently, pro-bullying.

That’s not my family.  That’s not how I was raised.

In my family, when we celebrated Passover with a Seder, we learned that the Jewish people had been slaves in Egypt, and because we were freed, we had an obligation to stand up for anyone anywhere who was oppressed.

In my family, we learned that children were so important that Dad left the office every day at five o’clock so he could be home for dinner, instead of working 80 hours a week to make a lot of money.

In my family, we learned that we were part of a larger community, and to fulfill some of this responsibility,  Mom spent at least one afternoon a week volunteering at a senior home.

Later, we learned that this responsibility extended to the political arena.  If we wanted the war to end, we couldn’t sit back and just yell at the television (although that was fun).  We had to get out and do something.

I’ve tried to bring these values to my own family.  I’ve tried to expand them, based on the experiences I’ve had filtered through my parents’ values.  For example, my parents didn’t really talk much about gay rights when I was a kid.  My mom’s stories about feeling ostracized for being Jewish in the 1930s, when many of her neighbors had pro-Nazi feelings, helped me empathize with the stories gay people told about the closet..

I’m sick of being told by James Dobson and Newt Gingrich and Mike Huckabee that I’m not pro-family.  I think we need to start a progressive group that represents real family values, like tolerance and generosity, loyalty and love.  Instead of obsessing about which consenting adult is rubbing which body parts against which other consenting adult, we should be demanding decent, affordable health care for all bodies.  Instead of arguing about when life begins (which might be interesting on a philosophical or theological basis, but not in politics), we should be encouraging businesses to enable parents to enjoy the children they have by paying living wages and keeping reasonable hours.

We’re families, too.  The fun kind.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is looking forward to seeing her baby this week.