Smart Phones: The Pros and Cons…, By Whitney Farmer – Un Pop Culture

April 28, 2011 Whitney Farmer 18 Comments

Whitney runs a rock music venue on the beach in L.A.. She has an M.B.A, and nevertheless procrastinates.

News agencies reported this week that smart phones, including iPhones and Droids alike, archive end-user location data that is generated approximately every seven seconds. Allegedly, this data on individuals has been stored for a minimum of one year with neither disclosure nor authorization. This treasure trove of information will be invaluable to the Antichrist when he attempts world domination and seeks to hunt down those who refuse to take the Mark of the Beast on their hands or foreheads.

On the plus side, smart phones allow users to modify photos that are taken to make ordinary subjects look like Orion slave girls.

In a completely accidently confusing statement issued this week by Apple, the company stated that it is consumers who are confused because of the complexity of the issue. They noted that the data isn’t real-time information, and that it may be transmitted from as many as one hundred miles away – depending on the location of the nearest cell tower.  It was not mentioned that this information can also be gleaned from as close as within a bedroom wherein a blog is written via WiFi internet access. Apple also stated that it was a ‘bug’ that allowed them to…accidently?… store data for one year, and that they will be revising their software within the next few weeks to allow only one week archiving.  Because this captures a basically complete lifestyle pattern, that should be enough time…

Consumers who have worked with databases in any capacity will know how often extensive data with rich economic potential is accidently gathered and organized and parsed without mindful planning. It happens all the time. Wait…What? And software engineers clearly are aware of how frequently involuntary programming errors lead to astonishingly valuable strategic improvements rather than system failures. Huh…?
A portion of Apple’s statement read:
“Providing mobile users with fast and accurate location information while preserving their security and privacy has raised some very complex technical issues which are hard to communicate in a soundbite. Users are confused, partly because the creators of this new technology (including Apple) have not provided enough education about these issues to date.”

It is admirable of these cell phone companies to continue to battle against the challenges of serving their ignorant customer base while simultaneously being custodians over their small dumb choices. To chew up these complex issues into small enough soundbites that can be spit down our throats without choking us is really hard. I feel super sorry for them.

In order to expedite the work of unauthorized marketers, present and future stalkers, and the pending antichrist, here is my location pattern: I go to work, I go home, I go to Trader Joes, I go to the gym AND WILL GO MORE FROM NOW ON, I go to about a dozen different doctors with my parents, I go to Starbucks, and I go to church. All you had to do was ask…

***  NEWS FLASH  ***  NEWS FLASH  ***

OH CANADA!! Chris Jericho was cut in the latest round of ‘Dancing With The Stars’ this week. When he came to the club recently, God gave me a bad hair day. It was a cruel but necessary blessing because Jericho is unsettlingly beautiful. Plus, he smelled great. When an occupational hazard includes being mauled by a couple of dozen strangers nightly, you appreciate people who bathe.

I’m done watching DWTS for this season, in a demonstration of solidarity for the Canadian diaspora of whom my father and Jericho are members. And William Shatner.

Quotes of the Blog, from Ed, Dude of Light and Fog: “The best way to keep yourself from worrying about retirement is to not ever start working in the first place.”