Tougher than the Rest, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

November 5, 2011 Martha Thomases 15 Comments

The other day, a friend of mine told me that I am one of the toughest people he knows.  I thought “Boy, are you in trouble.”

When I was a kid, I was very concerned with being authentic.  Even more than I wanted to be “cool” or “in,” I wanted to avoid being a phony.  I read The Catcher in the Rye.  I knew that was bad.  Later, I knew a pseudo-hippie was the wrong kind to be.

So even though I sort of wanted to be the kind of girl that men want to rescue and protect, I couldn’t.  I was not the delicate flower type.  Even if I thought I could pretend, there was no way my immediate attraction to the then-new feminist movement would let me get away with it.

This has been one bitch-monster of a week. I wake up in the middle of the night, shivering from the tension.  It is only Wednesday. Next week doesn’t look to be much of an improvement.  I don’t feel tough.

But I have learned a whole bunch about how to fake it.  I have learned that if you jolly people up, with a joke of your own (or by laughing at theirs), they will be much more accommodating.  I have learned that if I walk into a hospital with a big smile on my face, I get a big smile back.

And I’ve learned that if I don’t routinely ask for help, I’m more likely to get help when I need it.

I also know that, the way my mind works, I do much better when I have a series of small, finite goals that can be accomplished in a reasonable amount of time,rather than a huge task.

So, am I tough? Not really.  Tough is trying to grow up in the Middle East. Tough is supporting a family with a high-school education.  Tough is living in Connecticut with no electricity or heat because your local power company is too cheap to bury the power lines.  Me, I was lucky enough to be born white and middle-class to a family that valued education and rational thinking and living where one can get a decent bagel.

We stand on the shoulders of giants.  And some of us get carried.

—-

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, has too many calluses.