The Napoleon of New York City, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #252
December 5, 2011 Mike Gold 3 Comments
If you took the total ego of the state of Texas and squeezed it into a mere 321 square miles, you would have New York City.
“I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world. I have my own State Department, much to Foggy Bottom’s annoyance. We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have,” New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg told the crowd at MIT – the one in Cambridge Massachusetts.
Yeah, Mikey. You’ve got everything but a decent, livable, affordable, friendly city. So if your New York is so great, how come you had to force a change in the law – there’s absolutely no exaggeration or hyperbole in that statement – in order to get yourself a third consecutive term? Why couldn’t you trust your own citizens?
Personally, I’m opposed to term limits. They’re anti-democratic. Let the people choose. But if New York is so great, why didn’t Bloomberg trust its citizens to make the choice of changing that law? As popular as they were, if President Reagan or President Clinton pulled such a stunt, they would have been removed from office.
Don’t get me wrong. As the saying goes, I love New York. Truly I do. It’s a great place to visit. The problem is there are too many New Yorkers like Michael Bloomberg: loudmouthed braggarts who look down on the rest of America because we think too many New Yorkers are loudmouthed braggarts.
The greatest city in the world? Really? Greater than Rome? London? Paris? Tokyo? Vienna? Budapest? Amsterdam? Unless you’ve spent serious time in all of those cities and several others, you have no right to make that point as yours is not an informed opinion. Hell, I’ve spent a lot of time in Toronto and I can say that, in my opinion, Toronto is a greater city than New York. Imagine New York City but far more functional, much cleaner, with nicer and more polite natives who enjoy a functioning infrastructure and more “culture” per capita than the Big Apple.
Moreover, Toronto isn’t burdened with the overwhelmingly pervasive smell of urine. That’s not a joke, nor is it an exaggeration in the least. I defy anybody to go down a lower Manhattan subway kiosk on a typical dog day afternoon and breathe deeply for more than 90 seconds. Despite the fact that the olfactory nerves adjust very quickly, even New Yorkers who have become inured to the stench can’t do that.
The Greatest City In The World. No, it’s not. It’s home to Donald Trump, Roger Ailes, Bernie Madoff (who lately was involuntarily relocated) and Michael Bloomberg. That alone knocks it off the greatest city list. None of these creeps could do what they do anywhere else but New York City.
Which is why it needs the “seventh largest army in the world.”
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Bon-vivant wacko Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). It’s also available On Demand at the same venue. Tell ‘em Grouchy sent you. Which explains your Desoto.
Rick Oliver
December 5, 2011 - 10:52 am
Just within North America, I can think of a half dozen cities that are better than New York, but then you know I hate New York…or any city where the address numbering system doesn’t actually mean anything.
George Haberberger
December 5, 2011 - 1:46 pm
Hey you could add St. Louis to that list of great cities.
No. Seriously. We have Forest Park, home the world-class St. Louis Zoo, (free admission), the St. Louis Art Museum, (with a Monet waterlily panel on permanent display), over 1200 acres of rolling landscape, the history museum and the Jewel Box greenhouse.
We also have the Missouri Botanical Gardens, home to the Climatron, a geodesic glass-domed plant conservatory. The Gateway Arch, The world-champion St. Louis Cardinals. The not-world champion St. Louis Rams and Blues.
There is the ornate Fox Theater, host to Broadway shows and the just re-opened Peabody Opera House.
Did I mention all the great restaurants on The HIll? The Hill is the predominately Italian neighborhood.
This is a bit of a departure for me because I like that St. Louis is largely of unknown for all these things, (well, except the Arch and baseball). Whenever someone asks about St. Louis, I usually say, “Oh God! There’s no culture, no good restaurants, nothing to do. Don’t come here, You wouldn’t like it.”
KIndly disregard the first 4 paragraphs.
That said, my wife and I have taken vacations to New York twice within the last six years.
Each time we had a great experience, saw a lot of the sights, Broadway shows, rode the subway. We weren’t mugged or accosted by panhandlers, (well once or twice). New York is a fun city to visit.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 1:55 pm
I like St. Louis, although the summer humidity isn’t among my personal strong points. It’s an underrated city. Best steak au pauvre and best chocolate shake ever. And that statue of Stan Musial is breathtaking.
Like I said, NYC is a great place to visit. If you’re in your 20s, it’s a great place to live — while you’re in your 20s. And independently wealthy.
However, NYC is the only city where I was mugged (when I was 19) and where my apartment got knocked over (when I was 28). The super was tied up with a couple of my ties. That can happen anywhere; my problem is that it’s far more random in NYC. Most cities have bad neighborhoods, NYC has bad blocks: safety concerns change real fast and sometimes you need a guide. The touristy places tend to be well-policed. The office buildings and major locations (Grand Central Terminal, for example) are exceptionally well-policed.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 2:00 pm
Oh, and Rick is spoiled by having lived in Chicago, which has a rigid grid system. 1023 N. on one block is exactly parallel to 1023 N. on any other block. This is a joy to behold, particularly if you work for Fed-Ex.
However, I once spent three months working at the corner of Weed and Hooker Streets, an unmarked intersection out on Goose Island, an industrial island (literally) surrounded by two branches of the Chicago River. It took UPS three days to find us. Long before GPS. It’s since been gentrified.
But you can’t beat working at the corner of Weed and Hooker. I maintain the latter street was named after John Lee Hooker, who performed for free at the old Maxwell Street Market on Sundays more often than not.
Martha Thomses
December 5, 2011 - 2:14 pm
It has been my experience that New Yorkers are less rude than many other (but not all other) people. We just have less tolerance for bullshit. I would refer you to our behavior after 9/11 as my example.
You don’t like New York? Don’t live here. I don’t personally like Chicago, but I would never say that you are wrong to love it.
Greatest city in the world? I like Barcelona a lot – great weather, a tradition of rebellion, awesome food, beautiful architecture – but I don’t speak the language so I would never feel truly at home. Hence, New York. For me, anyway, at this point in my life.
Rene
December 5, 2011 - 6:23 pm
As a Brazilian I have to defend Rio de Janeiro as one of the greatest cities and a wonderful place to live in. Exceptional natural beauty, great weather, friendly people, and much less dangerous than foreign media paints it. Seriously, if you’re a middle class citizen and not involved with drugs and not in a dangerous profession like crime reporter, you’re probably safer in Rio than in New York. I’ve spent two vacations there, and I’d love to live there.
.
The city I live in is Sao Paulo, it’s more of a “business” city than Rio. But it has three things that it’s better than Rio: we have great and varied restaurants here, a better nightlife, and a more varied cultural life. If I could teleport, I’d spend my days in Rio, and my nights in Sao Paulo.
Arthur Tebbel
December 5, 2011 - 6:24 pm
Bloomberg a New Yorker? He was born in Boston and spends most of his free time in Bermuda. I’m not letting him claim New York.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 8:40 pm
I was wondering when a New Yorker would invoke 9/11. Sadly typical to co-opt an act of horror that actually occurred in Boston, Washington AND New York and directly affected people all over both the nation and the world in terms of loss of life. It is New Yorkers’ attitude that they own the victimhood of 9/11 that is their most disgusting and haughty trait. It is what substantiates the general opinion outside of New York that New Yorkers are a rude and egotistical people. It reaffirms every negative stereotype.
9/11 was a global nightmare. Don’t pull a Rudy.
By the way, Martha. In my piece I NEVER mentioned Chicago. That was a very cheap shot.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 8:45 pm
Arthur, the people of New York elected Bloomberg their mayor three times. They own him, they repeatedly claimed him as their own. He is their lawfully elected leader, even if he did unilaterally change the rules mid-stream.
Rick Oliver
December 5, 2011 - 8:48 pm
Mike: I’ll meet you on the corner of Sheridan and Broadway.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 8:54 pm
Rene, I’ve never been to Rio, “but I kind of like their music.” It’s actually on my short list. I’d love to go there sometime. Any good barbecue?
A couple years ago during the San Diego ComicCon, we took about 15 comics people to a really phenomenal Brazilian restaurant. If that’s representative of Brazilian fare, I might move there.
Mike Gold
December 5, 2011 - 8:58 pm
Rick: Hopefully, next month. Which one? There are three different crossings.
As opposed to Martha’s neighborhood, where 4th Street actually crosses 10th Street at 7th Avenue. There’s a great Mexican bar there; Diablo.
Martha Thomases
December 6, 2011 - 6:51 am
Mike, I didn’t say New Yorkers own 9/11, nor did I say we were the only victims. I said that our behavior after that event demonstrated a generosity of spirit that most people don’t associate with New Yorkers.
A cheap shot about Chicago? I just said it wasn’t for me, but that I don’t challenge your love of it. I assume this is my loss.
Mike Gold
December 6, 2011 - 7:10 am
I stand behind both my comments.
Bill Mulligan
December 6, 2011 - 8:11 am
Martaha, I’m pretty sure that anyone who disparages New York for the quality of its politicians and then defends Chicago is doing so tongue in cheek.
And besides, Chicago has the second best pizza on earth. It’s a distant, distant second, but that still puts it in the top 2…as opposed to the 4 hellish (from a pizza standpoint) years I spent in St Louis.
Bill Mulligan
December 6, 2011 - 8:12 am
Martaha? Sigh. Proofread, Mulligan, proofread…
George Haberberger
December 6, 2011 - 8:19 am
Bill,
Despite my first post, I make no boasts about St. Louis style pizza. Uno’s in Chicago is my pick. So what is your number 1?
Rick Oliver
December 6, 2011 - 8:49 am
Mike: That’s why I tell people I don’t want to meet that I’ll meet them there…present company excluded.
Bill Mulligan
December 6, 2011 - 9:34 am
Village Pizza in Saugerties New york. And I offer no rationale other than it’s what I grew up with and defines what Pizza means to me. It might be argued that had I grown up with Godfathers Salted Cardboard Rounds those would be my ideal. But I doubt it. Lots of oil, stretchy cheese, moist dough but thick crunchy on the outside crust with a chewy center…yeah.
My first day in St Louis my dad and I went out for what was advertized as New York Style Pizza by the lying liars who ran a nearby pub. The waitress asked, quote, “do you want your pizza with sauce on it?” It came cut into squares. It was a round pizza, cut into squares. I wanted to hop back on the plane but Washington University had already cashed the tuition check.
Mike Gold
December 6, 2011 - 10:48 am
Bill: Check out Mew York Mayors Robert Van Wyck, James Walker and Bill O’Dwyer, not to mention that obnoxious idiot Ed Koch, the man who personally owns 9/11 Rudy Giuliani, and the aforementioned Michael Bloomberg.
That might not sound like a lot, but NYC didn’t go into business until 1898 after they conned Brooklyn out of its cityhood. It has had only had 20 different mayors, two of whom only held office less than one year. If you want to count the period before 1898 when New York City was essentially only Manhattan and lower Bronx, I’d have to add another half-dozen goniffs to this list.
We can argue if New York’s Tammany Hall or Kansas City’s Pendergast political machine was more corrupt, but that’s sort of like arguing who was more evil, Stalin or Hitler. Tammany ran New York City from roughly 1845 to 1968 no matter who was in office, although its power began to diminish after Jimmy Walker was thrown out of office and by 1968 was little more than a fart in a blizzard.
Walker was so corrupt he exceeded Chicago’s only genuinely and thoroughly corrupt mayor, William Hale Thompson, who was the man who gave the keys to the city to the Jim Colosimo mob, which was run by Johnny Torrio after Big Jim got murdered and was later run by Al Capone when Torrio went off to help organize the Cosa Nostra. Thompson was so completely corrupt that when he was defeated by Anton Cermak in 1931 no Republican has been elected mayor since. Cermak created what is now known as the Chicago Democratic Machine by uniting the city’s Poles, Czechs, Croatians, Ukrainians, Jews, Italians, and blacks into One Big Party. Despite its reputation, the Machine’s evil was pretty much limited to nefarious land deals that tainted no mayor. And despite HIS reputation — much maligned by me, among others — under the next-to-last Machine mayor Richard J. Daley, Chicago enjoyed an unprecedented era of growth and prosperity. Daley was the first mayor to put blacks in positions of serious and significant power, including future mayor Harold Washington, and the first mayor to put women in positions of serious power, including Jane Byrne.
He also did right by Jack Kennedy. However, while it is generally believed Daley stole the election for JFK, when the graveyard voting scandal broke Daley graciously offered to have a state-wide recount. Daley knew he stole fewer votes for Kennedy in Chicago than the Republicans did for Nixon throughout the rest of the state. The Republicans declined.
Bill Mulligan
December 6, 2011 - 11:17 am
Of course, Daley also ensured Nixon’s victory in 1968 with his ham handed tactics during the democratic Convention. And I had always thought that Dr. King was pretty well stymied in his attempts to integrate Chicago by the refusal of the machine to work with him. Was Daley more helpful to the cause of desegregation than I’d been led to believe–or was it a late conversion? (and hey, better late than never).
R. Maheras
December 6, 2011 - 12:25 pm
Below is a link to a 1903 editorial cartoon by John T. McCutcheon depicting how he believed a meeting between Chicago aldermen and their New York City counterparts would unfold. I think McCutcheon, while no doubt biased, is spot-on. It’s also funny (in a sad way) how in the intervening 108 years, nothing has changed regarding Chicago aldermen (and now, alderwomen):
http://home.comcast.net/~russ.maheras/McCutcheon-1903-Chicago-Alderman-72dpi.jpg
Mike Gold
December 6, 2011 - 2:03 pm
Bill, I’d say both. Being as objective as I can be, I have been told that even in 1968 Daley regarded himself as liberal. Given the fact that his childhood street gang started one of the city’s worst race riots (covered for the Chicago Daily News by Carl Sandburg; Daley would have been very young had he even been involved), I suspect that’s true: he thought of himself as quite liberal. He didn’t like parades that he couldn’t head up; during his reign Chicago had an ethnic group parade about every three weeks. Dr. King’s methods of leading demonstrations through very, very hardcore white working class neighborhoods would, in his mind, likely cause a riot.
That does not justify his trying to block those demonstrations, but it does explain his point of view. Same thing at the Democratic Convention in 1968. What he considered liberal in 1955 — and WAS liberal in 1955 — was sadly and completely out of touch with the times in 1965. I also believe Daley would have had absolutely no problem with Harold Washington as mayor, had he lived that long. That was an example of normal progress within the system.
Keep in mind that the black communities voted for Daley by an overwhelming margin, greater than the margin in many if not all white neighborhoods. His saying “good politics is good government” seemed cynical to me at the time, but I have come to understand that as a great truth. People won’t vote for you if they feel oppressed.
Mike Gold
December 6, 2011 - 2:07 pm
Russ — Ha! Yeah, great! I’m a BIG fan of McCutcheon’s work, although certainly not of his boss Col. McCormick’s über-rght-wing politics. Truthfully: I stop at the John T. McCutcheon rest area on the Indiana Toll Road just outside of Chicago each time I drive back home. After all, it is the cheapest gasoline BY FAR compared to the high gas taxes in Chicago.
In fact, I don’t think I know anybody who has actually bought gas in the city of Chicago proper (as opposed to the suburbs) in maybe 25 years.
R. Maheras
December 6, 2011 - 2:52 pm
There’s a John T. McCutcheon rest area on the Indiana Toll Road? That makes sense, I guess, because McCutcheon was originally a Hoosier.
But below is a photo I took a while back of the ultimate John T. McCutcheon “rest area” located in Chicago’s historic Graceland Cemetery. McCutcheon’s modest plot is located amongst the lavish pyramids, obelisks, vaults and other impressive monuments of Chicago’s once wealthy elite. In a bit of irony, I guess, there is a section of the cemetery’s south side where the people of lesser means are buried (like my aunt) — mirroring, a bit, the socio-economic blueprint of the city itself.
http://home.comcast.net/~russ.maheras/McCutcheon-headstone.jpg
Mike Gold
December 6, 2011 - 4:27 pm
The rest stop is the one just east of the I-94 cutoff near Gary Indiana. A great plaque; if I remember next time I drive by (for C2E2, and maybe possibly next month) I’ll send you a photo.
Reg
December 6, 2011 - 10:13 pm
Martha said…”It has been my experience that New Yorkers are less rude than many other (but not all other) people.”
BWWWAAAAHHAAAAHAAAA….HAaaa…haaaa…ha…koff..ko….Oh…my bad…you were being serious.
:-p
Rene
December 7, 2011 - 6:58 am
Mike,
We do have great barbecue in Brazil, though the Argentinians will insist THEIR barbecue is better. Anyway, both Brazil and Argentina are great consumers of red meat. Beef, veal, and pork are common, but lamb and mutton are hard to find.
Bill, I’ve never been to New York, but I also have to defend Brazil’s pizza. We probably have the largest Italian descent population in the world outside of Italy itself. 10% of Brazilian population, more or less.
But you’ll only find great pizza in Sao Paulo. Rio has awful pizza (and a lot less Italian influence, overall).
Bill Mulligan
December 7, 2011 - 7:48 am
Rene, you know, I believe you probably have great Italian food in Brazil (and if I ever make it down there I hope you could take me to some of the best places. My treat.) (and with a teacher’s salary in a state where the pension fund is probably going to go down hard, this is almost certainly an empty promise. I might as well tell you that I’ll buy you your very own battleship.) (though wouldn’t that be GREAT?).
But I’ve been told that pizza in Italy is not what Americans consider pizza, in much the same way that you can’t get a decent Tacitochalupa Grande in Mexico, or any other arrangement of beans and cheese that Taco Bell comes up with. Just like if you go to China and ask for the house specialty, it is less likely to be General Tso’s Chcken than Twice Boiled Deer Penis. That’s right. I said Twice Boiled.
George Haberberger
December 7, 2011 - 8:31 am
Bill,
That sounds like Imo’s Pizza which a lot of St. Louisians love. I am not one of them.
Mike Gold
December 7, 2011 - 8:49 am
Rene, I’ve had Argentinian beef as well. Damn good, but cut differently. I’d have to get used to that. But, you know, when I’m in the neighborhood…
I’ve got to get to Brazil. I studied Latin American history way back in the school days and always had a fascination for the subject. Now if I can only grow that foreign language gene and absorb me some Portuguese, I’m there!
Martha Thomses
December 7, 2011 - 3:12 pm
Reg: come see my New York, not the tourist traps, which are filled with rude suburbanites, but the places New Yorkers go about their business.
R. Maheras
December 7, 2011 - 3:57 pm
Back in the mid-1990s, while in town for a comicon at the Javits Center, I stayed the weekend with some comic book aficionado friends living in (I’m pretty sure) Queens. They were the nicest hosts one could imagine, and I had a great time. One of those folks frequents this board (you know who you are!).
The only negative from that trip? I had to drive around their neighborhood for more than a half hour before I found a legal parking space. Needless to say, I didn’t move my car until it was time to leave on Sunday. We used public transportation the entire weekend.
Mike Gold
December 7, 2011 - 4:36 pm
Reg: and bring a gun