Every Week is Shark Week…, by Whitney Farmer – Un Pop Culture | @MDWorld

July 18, 2012 Whitney Farmer 14 Comments

Whitney runs a rock music venue on the beach in L.A.. She has an MBA, and is not qualified to be an oceanographer.

Many of the parties my NYC sister goes to are Fitzgeraldian, as in ‘…Gatsby’. They are marked by elegant strangers, prodigious talking, and unexpected swimming finales.

During a long phone call the other day, she described what the water at Brighton Beach looks like from the vantage point of seeing it after midnight at chin-level with the shore far in the distance. She said that when she turned away from the city lights and looked out to sea, it appeared to be exactly like the first scene in ‘Jaws’. I asked her if she had heard about the newbie kayaker who had been trailed by a great white in Massachusetts which is almost the same ocean neighborhood. She laughed. I tried.
The Discovery Channel has its annual “Shark Week” coming up August 12. I will watch it. Absolutely. That there is a race of creatures that only value me as food is important to think about. But they are fascinating enough without mythicizing them.

Unlike the star of ‘Jaws’, they have no vocal cords. This means that they can’t roar or growl when shot by a harpoon connected to a tracking buoy. They also don’t accidently bite people and then spit them out because they don’t like our taste. They have no taste buds and are instead known to eat absolutely anything that will fit into their equivalent sharkie pie-hole. When victims or witnesses tell of one bite and the animal leaving, they are describing shark dinner party behavior: Rather than elegant political chatter while using the right fork, they instead take one bite and briefly step away from the buffet.  Their purpose? They instinctually avoid injuries from struggling prey, preferring to allow the meat selection to bleed out and weaken before returning to munch.

Last week, an 800 lb. mako, close relative to the great white, was caught in Marina Del Rey. This is the same pleasure craft marina here where the actor who plays “the Most Interesting Man in The World” beer commercials lives aboard his boat that floats above on the water where that same shark swam. Think about that for a minute.

It doesn’t even need to be a great white to eat you. The true story of a close series of fatal attacks around the turn of the 20th century that inspired ‘Jaws’ was probably perpetrated by a bull shark.  They have the ability to process fresh water for a significant period of time, living hundreds of miles upstream for weeks at a time. Bull shark attacks have occurred in the Ohio River in Indiana. Think about that for a minute.

Outside my parents’ patio a couple months ago, we were admiring the Mary Frances, a boat that my Dad has restored and re-christened in honor of my mom.  As we looked into the three foot deep water that we were told was protected by a seagate and shark-proof, the sharks looked up through the water and back at us. By my count, I think we spotted three kinds: an angel, a thresher, and a dogfish.

Now the June Gloom of So Cal has finally lifted, and I wonder exactly how much the sharks have grown in my parents’ lagoon.  And I wonder this because I secretly hope to get a shark bite scar.  A lovely little half-moon that punches holes like a stapler but leaves all muscles intact. A shot of antibiotics and some Neosporin and you eventually will be The Most Interesting Person is any room you limp into.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Quote of the Blog, from Jacques Cousteau: “In the sea, we act like barbarians”.

Image of Daisy, my parents’ feral pet shark, courtesy of my cell phone.