Rush Limbaugh is a Smaller Dick Than I Thought, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #198 | @MDWorld

September 25, 2012 Arthur Tebbel 2 Comments

Dear Art,
This past week an Italian study came out claiming that the average size of a man’s penis has decreased by 10 percent over the last 50 years.  The study attributed this change to several factors including air pollutants, stress, obesity, and smoking but I wasn’t buying it.  I know that it’s feminism that is to blame.  The “chickification” of men is certainly to blame for this change.  Do I have a scientific rationale for this train of thought?  Of course not but that’s never stopped me before.  You’re a man who wasn’t alive 50 years ago, what do you make of this disturbing news?  Can anything be done to save male virility?
-Rush Limbaugh, Jerkwad-at-large

Rush,
Have you ever met a woman?  I know you’ve been married four times and you probably have interacted with the Ann Coulters and Michelle Malkins of the world but what the fuck man?  How do you think feminists would be pulling this off?  Unless there’s a marauding band of nouveaux amazons going out there cutting off 10% of the penises of their unwitting victims I see no way a social movement is causing significant biological change like that.  I’m surprised anyone who passed high school biology would believe that.  You are a proud college dropout and you should act like someone with that level of education God dammmit!

I’m not saying I necessarily buy this study.  The researchers are refusing to release their data, their data collection methodology or how they’re drawing conclusions on it.  I’m not a scientist so maybe this happens more than I think but I read my share of economic journals in college and all of them published the how and the what of their studies.  I would hope a hard science like biology would have a higher standard than the fancy witchcraft that is my chosen field of study.  I also have doubts that their data from 50 years is all that accurate.  I’ve heard people who were having sex 50 years ago describe distances.  I bet they have nothing but surveys filled with remarks like, “I had to walk 15 miles to get to the end of your grandfather’s cock.  Through the snow!  Now that I think about it that might not have been snow.”  I don’t know if I want scientific data being extrapolated from overly candid and, frankly, disgusting grandmothers being used to scare all of us.

If this study is bogus it’s a fairly brilliant scam.  You can get a lot more action from a good section of the population if they think the size of their dicks is at stake.  People who otherwise wouldn’t be motivated to do anything about getting people off of cigarettes or cleaning up our air.  Maybe people would stop spending 60 hours a week at the office if they thought the stress was affecting their johnson.  If we’re creating fraudulent data to support these hypotheses then I’ve also heard that regressive tax rates can lead to testicular atrophy and not cleaning up after your dog can lead to neighborhood-wide breast reduction.  We have to get the word out people.