Fried Chicken Republicans, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #338 | @MDWorld

August 26, 2013 Mike Gold 11 Comments

Where does the Republican Party get these people? Is there a machine somewhere that stamps them out? Are they grown in bell jars? Before they are awakened, does Marty Feldman have to crank them up to the ceiling?

Today’s subject in our unfortunately never-ending series is Republican State Senator Vicki Marble, of Fort Collins Colorado. You can buy weed legally in Colorado, and if she’s smoking the stuff that would be the most damning testimony against marijuana. Here’s what she did.

At a meeting of the Economic Opportunity Poverty Reduction Task Force, Senator Marble took great pains and a lot of time to explain in detail that part of the reason blacks and Hispanics live in poverty is due to their massive consumption of fried chicken.

Please reread that last paragraph, just so you know you got that right.

“When you look at life expectancy,” Senator Marble said, “there are problems in the black race: sickle-cell anemia is something that comes up, diabetes is something that’s prevalent in the genetic makeup and you just can’t help it… Although I’ve got to say, I’ve never had better BBQ and better chicken and ate better in my life than when you go down south and you – I love it.”

Oh, and she says Mexicans eat vegetables in Mexico but they miraculously stop eating that sort of healthy stuff when they cross the border. Presumably, this is a trait shared by legal and illegal Mexican aliens alike.

I wonder if somebody will tell her that one of the worst foods for diabetics to eat is watermelon.

By the all-seeing monocular Odin, I swear if there’s a causal link between barbecue and that level of isolated, reckless stupidity, I shall surely give up BBQ.

Lest we condemn all the citizens of Colorado, let me note that retribution was swift and certain. It came from the mouth of Rep. Rhonda Fields, who addressed Senator Marble directly, personally, and on the record.

“One of the things I will not tolerate is racist and insensitive comments about African Americans, the color of their skin,” Representative Fields told Senator Marble. “I was highly offended by your remarks… I will not engage in a dialogue where I’m in the company where you are using the stereotype references about African Americans and chicken and food and all kinds of things. I will just not tolerate that… This is not what this committee is all about. So I will ask that you suspend your perceptions and judgments about African Americans, about poverty – what we’re trying to do is come up with solutions and it’s not about chicken. It’s not about eating chicken.”

That evening, Marble said she was saddened that her testimony was taken as disparaging to anybody. That’s right: if you were offended, then you are in the wrong. It’s all good with Marble. I guess black folk can’t help it if they like friend chicken, although, evidently, white non-Mexican people can.

The Denver Post called Senator Marble’s comments “finger-lickin’ stupid.” And, to be fair, her own party quickly threw her under her own bus: Colorado GOP Chairman said “Sen. Marble’s careless comments do not reflect the views of Republicans. Since the time of Abraham Lincoln, the GOP has a proud history of standing up for minorities, and we are committed to fighting for policies that ensure every American has the opportunity to succeed.”

As if Abraham Lincoln would ever be part of today’s GOP. The Republican Party was America’s leading source of progressive activity in the 19th Century, and today’s party would brand many of its leaders Kenyan Socialists; Samuel Chase and Teddy Roosevelt heading that list.

By the way, my source for these comments was Denver’s KDVR, television channel 31. That’s a Fox station. As in “Fox News” and Roger Ailes and Rupert Murcoch.

Wow. It can get pretty chilly in Colorado.

Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week – check the website above for times and on-demand streaming information. Gold also joins MDW’s Marc Alan Fishman, Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com where he pontificates on matters of four-color.