Future War is Over (If You Want It), by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #231 | @MDWorld

November 27, 2013 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments

Dear Art,

You’re going to be completely blown away by this but this letter is coming to you from the future.  This is a cutting edge technology here in the late 22nd century.  I’m writing to you because your advice-giving prowess is legendary in this era.  It’s really too bad you died trying to recreate the final stunt in Fast & Furious 18, the country could really use you now.  Democratic president Samantha Greenberg (I know we’ve come a long way) just negotiated the end to a 50 year-long war between us and the alien monster that live on Ganymeade, Jupiter’s moon.  In this peace agreement the war will end and there will be a coming together to develop the interstellar travel necessary to acquire more resources to deal with our swelling population.  This deal is expected to save the human race.  My question to you is this: when will the Democrats stop trying to distract us from the failure of the launch of the Obamacare website?

-John Conryn III, US Senator (R-North Arizona)

John,

I wish I could act a little surprised that this is still going on in almost 200 years but it hasn’t stopped in the last five.  Everything anyone on the left does these days is not out of some actual desire to accomplish things but for some nefarious distraction from a scandal.  People said that killing Osama was to distract from the gunrunning scandal, I’ve heard everything as a distraction from Benghazi which is weird because I don’t think most of America needs to be distracted from Benghazi because that story had no legs at all outside of the far right.  Now the short-term Iranian nuclear deal is supposed to be a distraction from the Obamacare website as if China, Germany, France, Russia, the UK, and motherfucking Iran have nothing better to do with their foreign policy than make our president look good.

It’s not even that great of a deal.  I mean, it does a great thing by stopping the Iranian quest for a nuclear weapon and having daily inspection to make sure they’re living up to that.  That’s a fantastic deal for anyone who wants peace but they’re getting billions of dollars back from their frozen accounts and probably billions more in six months of being able to sell their oil on a sanction-reduced market.  That’s a ton of money to a country that could tell us to stuff it in six months and then go back to making bombs.  If I were a nefarious scheming president trying to distract from a bungled website I would do something way more definitive.  Couldn’t we just conquer Cuba or something?  That seems like a no-brainer.

I’m so sorry that in 200 years political discourse has not advanced any.  With all the advancements in technology I hope that at least people don’t need to pay attention to you anymore.  Couldn’t I have gotten a question about the launch of the 20th PlayStation or something?  I really think that’s going to be the console generation where Nintendo finally gets it together with the third party developers.  If we spend the next two centuries being partisan assholes then I wish those Ganymeadeans had just wiped us out.