Tipping the Scales, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

December 21, 2013 Martha Thomases 2 Comments

My father, an extremely generous man on most occasions, tipped terribly.  He came of age at a time when a ten percent tip was generous.  By the time he died, he would sometimes tip fifteen percent, for good service at a place he went all the time.

It was mortifying.

I confess that I didn’t think about tipping much until I was in college, when I started to know people who waited tables.  My cousin, Nancy, would tell me how a tip (or lack of one) changed her life.  I realize this makes me just as insensitive as those members of the GOP, who don’t support equal rights for LGBTQ people until a son or daughter comes out.  In my defense, it was 40 years ago.

Now I think twenty percent is a normal tip, and round up to the nearest $5.00 increment.  And, when I can, I tip in cash, not with my credit card.  If I feel like I can’t afford to tip your server, I can’t afford to dine out.

However, when one grows up in Ohio, there is not much holiday tipping.  People in small towns and suburbs don’t have doormen or supers.  Being an adult in Manhattan means having enough cash on hand at the end of the year (and cards with envelopes that are the right size) to tip.

Every year, it seems, people forget how to do this, or perhaps they are new to the city, as I was, and don’t know.  In any case, there are feature stories in various media telling us what to do.

Also, tipping evolves over time.  There are new people who need to get tipped (like your regular barista at Starbucks) and people you don’t need to tip, like your newspaper boy if you read news online.

Every year, I hear people complain about tipping.  I get it.  It’s a burden, a social one if not a financial one.  Maybe you aren’t tipping enough.  Maybe you’re forgetting someone.  Maybe you’re afraid that if you don’t tip properly, you won’t get your packages, or worse.

Here’s the thing.  Tipping wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t built into the system.  If everyone who worked a full-time job earned a fair living wage, with bonuses and raises for doing good work, our goods and services might cost a little more, but it would still be less than tipping.  One could still give gifts, but they would be spontaneous outpourings of appreciation, or (more likely) a fee for extra service.

And then, perhaps, your door man would be happy to get holiday cookies, and not think you’re a cheapskate.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is 60 years old and never been tipped.