What Can Black Do For You? by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #334 | @MDWorld
December 20, 2013 Michael Davis 1 Comment
UPS — you did not take me seriously. You couldn’t give a fuck about Denys Cowan’s artwork, or anything or anybody outside what you thought was not important.
I warned you repeatedly and calmly not to take this lightly, and I pleaded with you to find my best friend’s artwork.
No — you thought you were dealing with just another paying fool.
Welcome to my world, motherfuckers.
You see, UPS, I KNOW where Waldo is because I put him there. Someone on Krypton owed me money. Bambi’s mother, Little Nemo’s mother, Matt Murdock’s father — they all decided to dismiss me, doubt me, & I liked them.
Now you are backtracking like a time traveler, trying to fix the mistake you made.
Well motherfuckers, I too have a Time Machine, and every date you try to fix, every email you try to repair, every conversation you try to change, I am there before you.
I told you if I brought out the big dogs, you wouldn’t believe who those big dogs were.
You believe it now.
Are you listening now?
Can you hear me now?
Find them.
Find them all.
Find every single piece of art that one of your fucking people stole. Find them, and pray that they are in immaculate condition. Pray that Denys Cowan doesn’t even think that perhaps someone looked at his drawings the wrong way.
You ignored him on the eve of one of his greatest moments. A moment you were intended to share in.
A moment that was soiled and ruined, perhaps because you thought you were dealing with some simpleton on the phone.
No — you were dealing with Michael Davis, Ph.D — AKA, Master Of The Universe.
Let me explain it in the way that you are now going to listen to: I’m the last motherfucker you want to fuck with, because I can pick up the phone and get shit done.
What I can’t do, my friends can. What they can’t do CAN’T BE DONE.
But you know that now.
The moment that call came in from the family that practically owns Baltimore.
So you motherfuckers better make this right, or send YOUR packages from FedEx, bitch.
Now — what can Black do for you?
Whitney
December 21, 2013 - 2:34 pm
Honestly, whoever stole those works needs to be prosecuted for a felony level of theft because of the market value of the pieces.
And anyone who attempts to cover that up needs to be prosecuted for collusion or conspiracy. Not certain about the designation, but criminal charges to be sure.
After that, civil action straight with a punitive chaser.
R. Maheras
December 22, 2013 - 10:20 pm
Geez! Here’s hoping for a happy ending…
lorenzo ross
December 26, 2013 - 6:35 pm
Among the many shitty jobs that I have held one of them was working at a UPS store. What most people don’t know is that UPS store employees do not make the loot the dudes in the brown trucks make. Most of them make barely more than minimum wage because the stores are owned by a different corporation. Anyway, working closely with the big brown empire gave me a look into the shipping process most people don’t see or want to see.
Looking at the box I’m assuming it arrived empty, which means this is a clear cut case of internal theft. I think I see a 2nd day air label on the box as well as a Saturday delivery sticker, which means you paid a shit ton to ship that baby. I don’t know if you insured it for more than the basic $100 which is huge because their insurance people are gonna try to give you the c note and call it a day and say it’s your fault because of the way you packed it etc. I used to have to work every insurance claim with every damaged package and that shit drove me nuts. On one side you have the customer yelling at me because in their mind I broke his shit and on the other side is the faceless UPS corporate that is trying to claim it’s not their fault.
Not to mention the well paid, heavily unioned drivers that can be super careless with your package. Many times I’ve witnessed them just throwing boxes from the truck. Some folks would write fragile or handle with care on the box but I’m here to tell you these cats don’t do a lot of reading. That’s why I told customers to pack everything like it was gonna be thrown from a truck cuz it probably WILL BE.
Michael, I really hope you are able to get to the bottom of this. That artwork is irreplaceable and I hope some dumbass has not just thrown it away. Chances are some klepto employee has them and you’re gonna have to step on somebody’s nuts to find out who. Let us know what happens.