Terrorist Geese Bring Plane Down, by Q. Reyes – Artistic Warfare #6

January 18, 2009 Q. Reyes 4 Comments

By now most people hopefully have heard about the US Airways Flight 1549 that crashed into the Hudson river, and fortunately all 155 people on board survived. The plane apparently hit a flock of geese, which struck and paralyzed both of its engines sending the aircraft on it’s way down.

What most people don’t know, however, it’s the ongoing secret investigation into what has been classified as “terrorist suicide geese on a mission to derail the American way of life and culture.”

I’ve always been suspicious of geese. They’re really weird birds, and now Department of Homeland Security is going to prove what I’ve known all along: Birds hate us.

Birds don’t care if you’re Black, White, Latino or Asian, they will poop on your head just the same. You can feed them all you want, but they’ll never thank you. They have no loyalty to humans and they make terrible pets, coming only second worse to fish.

 

It’s reported that the FBI is questioning over 600 geese in custody, and they are sending them to KFC to be waterboarded in a marinade of secret herbs and spices, to be served up as 14-piece chicken dinners for only ninety-nine cents in all poor ghetto communities.

A tape released by the geese shows one of the birds demanding the release of all Foster Farms chickens from their capture, and accuses Foster Farms of being the “Hitler” of birds.

If Sarah Palin had been elected, this would not be happening to us. Dick Chaney tried to kill birds one by one, but he’s only one man. Something needs to be done about these birds before they destroy us all. It’s obvious they don’t share our culture and our values. There’s no room in this planet for two selfish living things.

In other news, police say they have arrested a career gang member in connection with the shooting death of a 4-year-old boy who was caught in the crossfire of a street shooting near his Echo Park home.

These shootings really upset me. They’re non-sense and this is an area where our money and resources should be spent rather than bailing out banks and insurance companies.

Is it me, or do these gangmembers have horrible aim? They could standing four feet away from each other, but they’ll end up shooting the lady taking down her Christmas decorations two blocks away.

They should implement a program to train gangmebers in proper weapons handling. They should take them out to the shooting range and show them how to hit a target. They’re going to carry and shoot guns anyway, might as well make sure that they’re really shooting each other and not innocent bystanders.

Even better, they should get these gangmembers jobs at the airports shooting down terrorist geese, because maybe these young men don’t really like shooting each other, and they just like the sound guns make. So if they got rid of warmongering birds, then this could turn into a win-win for us all. Like a real-life game of duck hunt.

By the way, I didn’t get any comments on my last column, but that’s okay. I’m over it. So now I shall disclaim that if you read this and not leave a comment, you will be cursed and birds will constantly poop on your clothes and freshly washed cars every single day for the rest of your life. If they birds don’t, then I will.

Q. Reyes is a wine and cigar aficionado but can’t afford to buy good quality wine or cigars so he ends up smoking .25 cents swishers and drinking Boone’s Farm flavored malt beverage (cherry flavored). Q. enjoys long walks on the beach, horseback riding, and celebrating life by occasionally popping open a bottle of $1.99 Andre Champagne (the neon-green color one). Q. is also a creator of the Ceasar and Chuy program on LATV.